Is it just me or are you sick of Richard Hammond?

Disaster strikes with the wedding plans! The Ladyfriend and I went to pick up our rings on Saturday that we had ordered three weeks ago. The Ladyfriend's is great and I have had to hide it in a secret place to stop her from trying it on.
Mine however was a thing of horror. It was enormous! My fingers are short and stubby like that of a cockney piano player's and my size is 'R' so the ring which had looked nice Lina Zavaroni size looked like a bloody knuckle duster when sized up! I felt like a chav dragging that thing around so it's had to go back to the grindstone.

The new series of Kath and Kim has begun in Australia. I love it and the best news ever is that Sharon's sister visits from England in this Sunday's episode and she's being played by Matt Lucas (the funny one from Little Britain). It will be a long time till it comes to my telly so I shall be You Tubing in the hope that it might be on.
If you have never seen it then you're missing out as it's unyoooooooooosual. click here to see their website

The Ladyfriend and I have been lapping up Nigella Lawson's new series which knocks Jamie and Hugh into a cocked chef's hat. She's fab but filthy.
On Monday she wanted her chops "juicy, juicy, juicy" whiched raised a few eyebrows on our sofa. Her mushrooms were "bosky" and her rosemary was "Resiny" - what school did she go to for Christ's sake and in what century?
I want the DVD and book for Christmas.

Hang double glazing, hang a new kitchen, hang fitted carpets we're buying a boat. The Ladyfriend and I had the best time ever on the Thames on Saturday thanks to Diane and Mick. We were supping on large frothy coffees in one of those multinational coffee chainstores when we got the call. We were out of the door and at the dock before you could say 'shiver my timbers'. I now have a copy of 'boat mart magazine' which I shall thumb with my scotch and cigar tonight.

Our whole weekend has been Thames based in actual fact. We were guests of Mark and Tim on Saturday night in Chigwell. We had a marvellous candle lit supper and then Sunday seeing the sights (not Chigwell's although I'm sure there are some). We went to Columbia Road flower market and then on to Spittalfield's, all in the shadow of the gherkin. We then went for lunch at The Captain Kidd Pub in Wapping which was wonderful, it is slap bang on the river Thames with phenomenal views. We've been very lucky girls indeed.

I won buggerall, I matched two numbers and it wasn't number 24. The next time I see her I shall insert my club card in a dark place that she'll never reach.

Stay away from the light Carol Anne

Weird. Just been to Tesco and the girl on the till was a little bit 'odd'. She started to giggle and said "I heard that Nanna!" I looked around, there was no one there. Thinking she could 'see dead people' I had a slight shivver but carried on packing.
I came to pay and she shrieked "it's £24.24! You couldn't have done that if you tried, you should do the lottery and make sure there is a number 24 in it!"
I ran like a bastard to the lottery kiosk. I've got a ticket for tonights draw in my draws. I thought it was just thick poor people who do the lotto but from what I can tell you need a degree just to work out how to buy a ticket. I had to ask. There are three or four different slips of paper with whizzes and bangs all over them. It aint easy. Fingers crossed for tonight, eyes down and hopefully there will be two happy fat ladies!

The Ladyfriend and I were apoplectic when we saw the latest scheme to fuel teenage pregnancy. "Pregnant women to be offered £120 'good food' grants" Is it just me? Not only do they get housing, social security, child benefit and a one off £200 when the child is born (to go towards university - yeah right) they are now going to get £120 so they can eat properly.
How misguided. The only difference it will make will be the choice between Super Kings and Benson and Hedges. Unbelievable.
The streets will be full of thirteen year old girls with distended bellies listening to shiny new iPods.
The best thing the government could do would be to use this obviously spare money and give it to the police because it will be them who will have to deal with all the little bastards.

Please sir, can I have some more

I absolutely LOVE this. It's the Harvey Nic's Foodmarket awards You Tube movie and it's brilliant. It's bang on the nail illustrating how the contents of the dinner plate has morphed into a lifestyle statement.
Did you see Nigella's new cookery show on Monday? She's a dirty old bird but the Ladyfriend and I love her. She did this thing with squid using a product called 'old bay seasoning' I googled it, it's now sold out, it's now selling on ebay.
You can bet your life it will sit in the cupboards of the lucky few who got their hands on it unopened for years.
I borrowed a pasta making machine from my handsome brother a few months ago, I've bought the correct flour, I've got the recipe, do you think I've made any? nah.

Kate Bush this morning - on the way to work - and I was so chilled out I felt like a mini milk, that was until I saw the graffiti. Beneath the motorway flyover some idiot called "Bong" had plastered his/her name all over the concrete. It looked rather comical in a way with "Bong, bong, bong" like something out of winnie the pooh, only it wasn't, it was a destructive youth who quite possibly is also responsible for smashing the glass at the bus stop. Too many bad apples rotting the barrel.
I've always had a lifelong dislike of the young, I try to not to make eye contact, I never entertain the idea of conversation with anyone between the ages of 8 to 18.
I don't like 12 year old girls in make-up or 12 year old boys spitting. Oooh it makes me shudder. So my walk to work this morning was marred by the thought of it being marched upon last night by spray paint wielding teenagers. It had an atmosphere of loss like a field of battle. Not nice.

I'm off the sauce again. Lola's packed it on. I walked to work this morning listening to an mp3 player looking like an obese Ipod advert, thighs chaffing together to the music.
It's six weeks to go before my 'big day' and at this rate it's going to be a big fat gay wedding. I might have to suggest the wide angle lens.
I made a stew last night (surprisingly low in fat) but left it in the oven and forgot about it, I could have burned the house down. I became ingrossed in a thought provoking documentary on BBC4 (it happens) and my stew set like a cake after 5 hours on medium. Now I'm going to have to pour a bottle of valpolicella in just to loosen it all up.