Big shout aaaaaat to Ushma, Happy Diwali. That girl has lovely samosas

ooooh, this morning I feel a lil' bit delicate. My lady friend and I had a nice bit of plaice with a few seasonal vegetables last night (fantastic that Tesco reduced section - all for under £2.50) we washed this all down with a splendid bottle of Italian white wine and watched a programme about Jack the Ripper. Now, I don't know if it was the plaice, the bottle of wine or the disturbing Jack the Ripper scenes that have caused it but my heads in a vice like grip.
On my way to work I let a man pull out in front of me who looked just like the singer from the Fine Young Cannibals, I do hope he hasn't fallen on hard times. He had a ladder on his van and a checked shirt on, I swear it was him.

Came to work this morning primal screaming, you should try it sometimes. Didn't fancy music so I made my own, decided the tuneless, wordless drone I was singing could be used to better effect if I raised the volume and lowered the tempo and you know what? It was fantastic.
My mini was filled with this strange noise and my mouth was contorted and I think I may well be the vessel for a dead russian woman because it was definitely Eastern Block sounding.
It's great for the chest, is better than an aerobic workout and the feel good factor is immeasurable.
It could become a new craze, I should put out a video, with a bit of celebrity branding it will fly off the shelves at Asda.

CLARE BOURKE - YOUR EYES ARE SHARPER THAN A LEMON!

I have mood indigo now, I must have peaked at 10am because now I am low in spirit and heavey of heart. I have put my Liza Minnelli live cd on to cheer myself a bit. Just been down to Tesco and on the reduced section I got some trout fillets and a whole salmon! Loverly.

WHEN I GO! I'M GOING LIKE ELSIE!

I am in the greatest of moods today, decided on a hotel for Amsterdam and the Men of Malaga have given the nod, we've chosen the riffiest hotel going but as Lloyd Cole used to say "A lost weekend in a Hotel in Amsterdam" where is that man now? He always used to look like he had a mouth ulcer.

This morning I was looking for the postman but he didn't come, we have found a perfect flat in the Isle of Wight and have booked an appointment to view on Friday which is lucky hapt as we were going to Portsmouth with the Twitchen & Burley girls anyway.

We must pass water to get over to the Island, naturally, and I am keen for T&B to make the crossing with us so we have an impartial view of the property. Trouble is once they hear the 'ting a ling' of the checkouts at Gunwharf Quay they will be lost to us.

It does sound rather splendid with far reaching sea views.

I have been informed by the lady friend that our champagne lifestyles will not have to suffer with house ownership but just incase I intend to lay a few bottles down and cover any eventualities.

Just got to work, been to see my mother this morning and had "white tuna" sandwiches. The tuna is called "chicken of the sea" apparently it's an American thing.
Had a package from David and Howard in Malaga this morning, it is filled with luvverly things like chocolate, truffles and caviar, they do look after me. My lady friend and I will be joining them in Amsterdam at the end of November so I must get my finger out and find a good hotel.
Apparently they are bringing Gin and Champagne with them. They are incredibly resourceful - all that and matinee idol good looks! Roll on the Nederlands!

Not long woken up, the wind is blowing a gale outside, the clock's have gone back and inside my head the devil is moving the furniture. My lady friend and I hit the sherry then a bottle of Zinfandel whilst watching Blithe Spirit last night. I got as tight as a drum and now I have to suffer. I was thinking to myself whilst watching my Blithe Spirit video (Margaret Rutherford version) is this the only Blithe Spirit being watched in the world at the moment or is someone maybe in Peru watching it too? Then I thought if someone in Peru is watching it are they at exactly the same point in the film or further along or what?... Sorry, I'm rambling but I did hear a comment once which made me think, Carly Simon's "You're so vain" gets played hundreds of times a day around the world and the royalties alone keep her in dental floss....anyway, must crack on, I'm trying to book a booze cruise online with P&O - when will I ever learn?

Went to see Alison Moyet last night, good God she’s got a big pair of lungs on her. We were ever so close to her and unfortunately ever so close to the amplifiers. My lady friend and I are now a bit mutton down the right hand side.
The place was crawling with dykes (badly dressed ones) and homosexual men (again badly dressed) it must be a Basingstoke thing. Alison was fantastic and did a medley of hits, she did however look high on prescription drugs and (may have been the lighting) looked a bit mental.
USHMA GET ON WITH THE UPLOADING AND SAVE ME SOME LOVELY FOOD!

This morning's little fiasco has paled into insignificance as our staff Christmas soiree at the dog track has descended into farce. What started out as a bit of harmless fun has turned into an organisational nightmare of epic proportions. Moses had it easier carting the Israelites around egypt.
Hats off to Mr Drew and Mr Clive for last night, what a gastronomical feast. Wonderful food. Mr Clive's dumplings are exceptional.

Alison Moyet tonight! Ooooh La. Fantastic, we're sitting so close we maybe showered in Moyet spittle.

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Get to work after spilling most of the cappucino all over the passenger well, drive with one hand in the end holding what looked like an egg carton with two leaky cups in the other.......they'd throw the book at me if I caused a pile up.

Get in the office, sandwhiches look like the Somme, vile. Give my lady friend her cappucino (please, for full effect imagine the trouble taken to provide her with this swill) she drinks some, her face contorts "oooh, it's a bit sweet".

I ask you.

Two bacon sandwhiches and two cappucinos please to take away - a simple request, not in Flackwell Heath it's not. You would not believe my normally leisurely journey to work this morning.
First off I had to do the ice removal, I quite like doing that bit. Then as my lady friend and I were running late we skip breakfast and I decide to go for bacon sandwhiches.
Head for Flackwell Heath sandwhich shop - looks clean and tidy I thought, that'll do. There were a couple of women behind the counter dressed "Americana fashion" peaked caps, you know the sort. Great, I'm the only one in the establishment so this will be quick.
"Two bacon sandwhiches and two cappucinos please" I said.
I should have known something would go wrong when one half wit said "Would you like the bacon warm?"
I was stuck in that shop for nearly twenty minutes whilst one made the sandwhich, one buggered about with the coffee machine and the aroma of fried food permeated every item of clothing I had on........I haven't checked my gusset yet, but you just know don't you?
Ok, sandwhich made, but ofcourse sandwhich woman doesn't know how to do the money so she passes that task on to coffee lady - who is still frothing milk at this stage, warm bacon (door wide open) now going cold. Ok, transaction made............................

I've gone hyperactive interactive ..... I have a guest book, oooooooh look at me! Please feel free to put whatever you like in it, the more racy the better.
I came out of the house today and was greeted by the most beautiful of moons shining like a new penny. Lovely.
Driving to work today was like performing in the big top, I had to juggle with the wipers, rear heater off, on, off, choke in and out, lights on (still can't get the full beam to work - what is that all about) there was a burning smell coming from somewhere so off went the in car heating. All that and keep my eyes on the road........they did slip occasionally and that's the truth. The three things I love best in life are my lady friend, music and my mini so never mind.
Out tonight at Mr Clive and Mr Drew's, I'm going to try and have a dry night as I don't fancy a hang tomorrow, it was tricky enough to lift the marbled limbs this morning.

uurrgh....things are decidedly odd around here, everything I do is taking a long time and when I do finally do things I find I have done them wrong. Puck keeps moving my goal posts, I am a toy of the gods today.
Just eaten the most heavenly chocolate muffin - thanks to Rachel upstairs - went down lovely.
It's ever so muggy in here today, feels a bit like a glass blowers........

Only two more days until Alison Moyet day! I am really rather excited as I do like Alison Moyet and her booming voice. My lady friend and I are sitting quite near the front (by the aisle on account of my lady friend's long elegant legs) I do prefer to sit dead centre but that would mean preffering to wine and dine a midget and I'd rather not.
Having one of those fat days today.....mind you, I never have thin days but today I feel especially rotund.
Today I am listening to Gregorian Chant, Jill Scott, Norah Jones and Gypsy Caravan music.

Had a wonderful weekend, pumpkin soup however was somehow lacking in ooomph, don't know why. But what a result, I went to Sainsbury's for some sweet potatoes on Friday (wonderful selection) and there in the tinned veg aisle were stacks and stacks of cherry tomatoes. I duly filled my basket with ten tins and staggered off to the check out a happy camper. Well done Sainsbury.
Bought myself a lovely winter warmer on saturday, it covers me up a treat and is the very latest thing! I'll cut a dash canal side in Amsterdam. I am a bit concerned though as on the arms it has a German army badge.......don't know how they feel about the occupation these days. We'll soon see.

Have decided tonight is the night for pumpkin soup, I have a rather SPECIAL recipe which I retrieved from the bookshelf this morning. This wasn't easy as it was stuck behind my collection of mucky postcards and my tottering, teetering tape tower which includes Al Martino and Get by in Italian.
Had a nice night out last night with the palatable Mr Clive and Mr Drew, they do have a warming ambience about them, enjoyable conversation and a good wine cellar. Good night all round.
Fabulous sky last night, most heavenly bodies visible.

Took the motor to Tesco - mirror, signal, manoeuvre - and hurried expectantly towards the "Tinned Vegetable" aisle. No tinned cherry tomatoes, not even a sniff of them. Infact, in some kind of sinister cover up the barcode sticker has been removed. I mean I ask you, heads should roll for this.
Tesco should look more closely at customer demand, it's great to ask the lone shopper if they need help with their packing but to cock up on this grand scale smacks of bad customer service.
Fingered some reduced monkfish tales to cheer myself up.

I am having one of those days today, I seem to have lots of things to do but they all have similar importance and so I am having time management issues. I am rather buoyant though, I am listening to the Kings of Convenience, Turin Brakes and Cinerama.
It is a beautiful world and I am happy to be in it.
I have just had one of those mobile phone calls where someone has accidentally rang, I shouted "hello, hello, hello caller!" but no reply, all I could hear was banging and scrapping and rough noises.........was it someone calling from Istanbul or a fish gutting factory in Hull?

Hello Kim in the big smoke, Hello Karen by the sea, Hello Clare upstairs and Hello Trisha on TV

My mini today was like the inside of a sugar cube, I could not see a thing. I stalled twice, but aint the morning swell? I bought a pumpkin at Tesco yesterday so soup this weekend and halloween heavenly fun.

Mr Clive and Mr Drew, it looks like we wont be seeing you this weekend :( - tis sad indeed.
Could you not squeeze us into the dying embers on Sunday.........

Aaaah, it is mid afternoon, the children are letting off stolen fireworks in the streets and the air is heady with decay, sulphur and danger. October's aroma! I love this time of year.

Well, dissapointment all round, there are no tinned cherry tomatoes. They had a few tins of the usual but this is bordering on the desperate.
I smell the whiff of scandal....................who has all of the cherry tomatoes?

This lunchtime I am going to go to Tescos and hopefully buy a trolley load of Italian cherry tinned tomatoes - they have flown off of the shelves due to huge demand. I hope they are back in stock.

It is a beautiful Wednesday, the sky is bruised and sore after the rain and it looks like another wet day.