It's the Ladyfriend's birthday today! Happy Birthday Ladyfriend!

Today it is very chilly and I managed to soak my new mittens whilst using the de-icer on the car - drat. My new mittens match my cheery scarf but they are looking rather sorry for themselves on the back seat now. On the way to work we had to scrape the inside of windscreen as it kept icing over, it was quite magical as little flakes of frost flew around the car, twas almost like a little blizzard.

Last night the Ladyfriend and I had a most excellent meal at Mr C and Mr D's. I ate my first Jerusalem Artichoke, I am amazed that at 32 this root vegetable has only just passed my lips, I shall make up for this over sight and insist on their consumption on a more regular basis. I think we are all guilty of overlooking the more gnarly looking vegetables in the supermarket, constantly buying the same old carrots, potatoes and courgettes. I must set a challenge to all my readers, this weekend go out and buy something odd looking and let me know how you get on, don't forget to email me : lola@lifeforlola.co.uk

I got the consistency of porridge spot on this morning. Yesterday was a little bit of a disaster but it was my first attempt. I am consuming the stuff as I have been informed of its miraculous properties when it comes to the digestive system and cholesterol. I also love outlandish claims when it comes to food and, as I am a bit of a health bunny at the moment, consume it all with relish. My desk here at work looks like Superdrug, I've got Vitamin E pills, Garlic capsules, ten satsumas, a bottle of water which I keep topping up, some Nairn's fine milled oat cakes and an environment cleansing plant. Trouble is all this clean living doesn't half make you pee a lot.

Tonight we are eating Portugese with Mr C and Mr D, I am intrigued. It's the Ladyfriend's birthday tomorrow, she is teetering on the brink of another passing year and today it shows. She is like a loose cannon, I don't know where she begins and ends anymore.

Driving to work this morning I began to ponder about wires and leads and where on earth would we all be without them? From getting up in the morning to retiring with a mucky novel you need wires. There are wires for electricity all over the house, on pylons, telegraph poles, in the car, in the computer, you need them to make tea - a drink with jam and bread.

Take a moment now and look around you, can you see wires? I bet you can, I can see flex all over the office floor, extension leads, stuff coming out of the ceiling, my headphones have them trailing over my desk, the phone chord is all twirly next to me. My God they are taking over the world.

I have been bad with my blue tits, the nut balls that I so industriously made a few weeks ago have all gone and I have no more to replace them. The bluetits are hanging around the garden in a state of confused panic pecking at a lardy bit of string hanging from a branch - it aint good. I've got a pack of lard all ready in the fridge so tonight - if I can muster the strength - I shall get bird cake making. Poor birdies, yet more victims of my short attention span.

Have not been up to writing much today, sorry. It's late now and you've all left your offices and are in all probability watching a programme where gormless people are having their terraced homes decorated by a prancing fairy. Perhaps you have just finished consuming beef bourguignon from a tray with a picture of a chi wa wa with a bow tie on - perhaps not. Maybe as I write this you are at your Yoga class where, although you are enjoying the social side of things, can't quite "get it" yet. Maybe at this minute your bedroom is heavy with cheap perfume as you prepare for a night at bingo with the girls - if this is the case then put a little more mascara on for me.

Aaah, I can think no more, tonight I am stuffing a chicken breast with feta cheese.

I tried sitting on a new chair this morning as the chair I normally sit in here at work squeaks intolerably, trouble is, I seem to have adapted myself to my old chair. I respond to the bounce as I throw myself on it, when I lean backwards there is just enough resistance that it is a comfort. The new one is far too flimsy, when I lean backward I just keep going, it's not nice. Also, it has some strange moulding on the back support (possibly orthopaedic?) but I don't like it, not nice. I have therefore gone back to the squeaky one.

This weekend I am on a Flash course - to those that don't know, Flash is that annoying stuff that happens on websites that take ages to load and in some instances stops you seeing the website at all. I can't wait to learn it however, it is a string I have always longed to have on my bow.

I received my Country Living magazine yesterday but there has not been enough time to read it. We were out last night at Mr Drew and Mr Clive's and when we got home late it was there on the side ready for me. I was sitting in bed in the dim light of morning flicking through with bubbling excitement at all the country Christmas goings on. I can't wait to get home to finish it. Deck the halls I say with shaker stockings and garlands of Rosa glauca.

I'm feeling a trifle lacking today and feel quite ready to escape the harsh realities of life and find solace in drink. We are out tonight at Mr Clive and Mr Drew's. We are to have a firework 'do' - we have had a box of explosives on the top of our wardrobe for over a year and have decided to let them off tonight. The box was thick with dust but hopefully this will not effect the contents. Mind you the particularly hot summer may have rendered them 'tired', I shall set myself up for dissapointment that way I shall always be pleasantly surprised.

They should be ok, afterall, when they bring up old gallions from the seabed they find all sorts of things, gunpowder amongst them and they tend to be just as good as when the vessel went down. Perhaps I am not being historicaly accurate but can you blame me - Time Team is not what it used to be.

Back to work after a fabulous little mini break. Made the Christmas cake on Wednesday, carols blasting from the little hi-fi as I creamed the sugar and butter.

Went to the Country Living Christmas Fair Gala Eveing which was very crafty indeed, although there wasn't a corn dolly insight. There was complimentary Wolf Blass wine which went down very nicely with the ladyfriend and I.

Friday we went shopping in Brighton, it was blowing up a gale and there were a few hairy moments crossing a road where we both thought we'd had our chips as we were blown back into the oncoming traffic.

During the weekend Graham and Jill came to our little flat on the coast to fit the kitchen. We now have all our base units in place and sturdy as a rock which is absolutely essential. I have to jump up onto the worktops so that I can glimpse the sea view that our kitchen affords. We have yet to have running water and electricity but I'm beginning to realise these things are a luxury.

On saturday night we all trolled off to The Lamb which is the oldest inn in Eastbourne. We sat in the lower bar and dined like kings for buttons. I can not recommend this place highly enough. Infact anyone that knows us will end up in The Lamb from now on anyway but I must say how fantastic and hearty the place is. It is a bit roudy but that adds to the atmosphere there are also real wenches, big busty girls with enormous thighs and teeny bopper tops. The service is also spot on.

Coming home yesterday we stopped at a Little Chef for light refreshment where I got soaked to the skin collecting rosehips for Shaker style decorations - all I can say is, you should see our airing cupboard. I've got things strung up that would put Ed Gein to shame.

I am unusually upbeat for a tuesday, I think it is due to the fact that I am on holiday for the next six days. It could be to do with my wonderful new healthy regime which has engulfed my body. I have phytochemicals where once there were few. The ladyfriend is not quite as committed as myself, she has allowed a gorrilla faction to infiltrate - she was necking white wine last night with her vegetable lasagne. I stuck to water, my body a temple....unfortunately it's built on the same scale as Brunelleschi's Duomo. My devotion to the bean sprout will sort this out, this time next year I expect to be as fit as a whippet. 

Tomorrow I make my Christmas cake. 

Only two days to work and the ladyfriend and I are off for a few days. Très bon as they say in France.....oh no, I've said it, as soon as I think of France I think of going across to Calais and stocking up.....bugger. My head starts trying to fit it in. Duh.

I am knocking the booze off of the top priority list as I am trying to treat my condition with nutrition. I have stopped taking the tablets that the Doctor gave me as they made me feel rough - could have saved the prescription charge if I had known and I am now up to my badly managed eyebrows in kiwi fruit, nuts and dates. If I follow the rules in my new book I will be pregnant by Michaelmas.

Prince Charles - these revelations only make me find him more interesting. Up the King!

Today's entry is sponsored by the Philips Essence filter coffee maker. Ideal home magazine voted it their best filter coffee maker. You can buy this wonderful dinner party favourite by clicking here.

Had a spectacular bottle of wine last night, I was a lil' bit heavy handed with the chilli when I knocked up a stir fry but the tinto managed to cut through. I savoured every drop as, since my condition dictates, I must alas take it a little easy till I have shifted a few pounds.

This morning I had five blue tits on my fat ball! What a wonderful sight. It fair cheared my heart.

Big busted women. - sorry, I had to write that, I have been looking at my website statistics and amazingly by me writing about Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall I have had a huge number of hits, google is going to go wild when it picks up Big Busted Women. You don't want to know what happened when I wrote about wind tickling my legs. All I can say is there are some mucky people about.

I have nearly completed my Christmas shopping and it is not yet December. This is the first time in my life I have been able to do this. I have not done it deliberately, everything seems to have fallen into place but it has left me feeling rather odd. Last night I had a sense that I had forgotten something, I sat like a sofa spud with Wife Swap on but my mind was trying to find what had slipped it. Last Christmas was a nightmare for the ladyfriend and I, we were all over the place and vowed it would never happen again. This year we have booked ourselves up solid for the next two months. We are off to the theatre to see Amadeus, booked for Maddy Prior, having our kitchen sorted (fingers crossed), I'm going on a Flash course (web not flesh), going to the Country Living Christmas Exhibition, eating wild boar and at some stage there is a christmas cake to make. Infact, we are busier than last year but because the presents are done I feel more secure than a chorus line girl booked up for the summer season.

I've been diagnosed with the pocs! I've got polycystic ovaries. It means my voracious appetite for red wine is not to blame for my inability to shift the pounds. Sadly I will now have to limit my exposure to refined starches so pasta will have to take a step back out of my consuming limelight. The ladyfriend is very supportive, she has told me she will be there to smack the back of my hand when I go in for an extra slice of garlic bread.

I have been looking on the internet there are hundreds of wimmin out there with the same condition all of varying symptoms - fortunately I have got away without having a beard, but according to the various support groups it could have gone either way.

It's quite nice being a "victim" I feel a bit special, I can see how addictive it can become. Like a lottery winning laudrette worker I must take steps that my new status doesn't change me, I am still Lola. I shall join a group and make cakes and raise awareness, go on marches shouting "Let me be, I am me, even though I'm P, O ,C"