Jesus Christ. Exactly. The Ladyfriend and I have started a tradition of going to the pictures on Christmas Eve. It's nice. This year we have been looking at a suitable film and thought it might be Eragon but that has received rather bad reviews. Ah, we thought The Nativity would be perfect! Absolutely spot on. But guess what? There isn't a cinema in the area showing it. Not one. Nada. What's that all about? If ever there was going to be a captive audience then surely it would be on Christmas Eve. Shame on them all. If we don't watch out, next year Father Christmas will be wearing a hijab.

Had a lovely time in Amsterdam but the ladyfriend and I have decided to forgo any trips abroad in the future, I was frisked at the airport on the way out and made to shout "Merry Christmas" to a prancing fool at the airport on the way home. I think he was the dutch version of Cilla Black. I scowled at the camera so I imagine I am on the cutting room floor.

Things have been a bit rushed and just a bit much this week so I have not yet put up my photos - I've been ripped off by BP and slandered in court - it's a long story but I hope this will do: click here

Bluebirds sang at my window this morning as I greeting another dawn and another birthday! 36 and still with skin like a princess. I am 4 nines or 12 threes, whatever, I'm not the girl I once were though, I've grown in so many ways but mostly outwards.
The Ladyfriend and I are off to Amsterdam on Thursday to celebrate both of our birthdays, I can't wait, our hotel is conveniently placed for all the major attractions, the floating flower market, the museums and the brothels......not that I like art.
My brother took me to see Billy Bragg on Sunday at the Hackney Empire - what a place, a gorgeous old theatre in a run down part of town. It was a 'Rock against Racism' thing and a lady slapped my lapel with a sticker to that effect. A worthy cause, only something didn't sit right with me. Mr Bragg harped on about the benefits of a multicultural society and how the people of Daggenham who had elected the BNP should embrace their new neighbours from far flung places. A nice idea, thing is Billy has chosen to live on a farm in Devon where the only dark face that he probably sees is that of a fresian cow over a fence post so it's a bit of a 'do as I say and not as I do' thing going on there.
PLEASE NOTE: Lola is not a racialist and some of her best friends like reggae music.

There has been a tornado in London today. In the paper I saw a photo of a ski lift empty and lifeless in a normally busy ski resort. With climate change, will there be "snow in Africa this Christmas time"?

They only need 43 Jonathan, they could knock those off with a stick of rhubarb..."
Geoffrey Boycott on TMS

Can't believe the Ashes result this morning. I know it was a bit wet wanting a draw when winning is everything but to lose, well it just isn't cricket. It's time for young Flintoff to fall on his sword and give up as captain. The ladyfriend and I both agree that being the best player doesn't necessarily make the best captain. Infact, Freddie reminds me of an Edwardian farm hand taking over from the 'Gentleman' who has gone off to war. The only chance we stand of coming away from the Colonies with any scrap of honour is that by some miracle Michael Vaughan can get back on the field and take charge. I daresay we will not catch Michael in a sleeveless vest, hands in his pockets, sporting tattoos and an earing.

Lord I was off to a bad start this morning. I was anxious to catch up on the night's cricket so I put BBC1 on at 7am hoping that in the half hour that I designate to breakfast and 'coming to' I would see the score and highlights. Did I bugger. I grew a different shade of purple with every passing block of five minutes. Whilst that Bill Tumble (or whatever it is) was bumbling over a report about Russian spies I flicked over to ITV to see the final snippet of Kevin Pieterson - I was incandescent with rage. I gave up at 7.30 and ran my bath.
By the way, all this about Russian spies and radiation poisoning. Am I missing something? If what I'm led to believe from James Bond films is true, then passing away in a hospital bed is preferable to some of the ways these dare devil agents might meet their death. I saw one once where James Bond was tied to a table with a laser moving between his legs about to cut him slowly and painfully in half. I would therefore plump for radiation sickness any day. I bet he got a private room, digital tv and 24 hour care. I bet he didn't get a senile old man walking about at night trying to get into bed with him either.

A nice thing happened the other day. The Ladyfriend and I were in Debenhams, Eastbourne on Saturday as we had decided to nip up to the restaurant for lunch - a little known fact, I like department stores - anyway the food is served on the top floor just off of the children's department so we hopped on the escalator (I know it's not healthy but we were burdened with apathy) We were going up and in mid flight I turned around to see an Elf smiling up at me! I was slightly taken aback but then even more so as behind the Elf was Father Christmas! It was slightly unsettling but incredibly exciting at the same time. We watched later whilst we chomped on our chips as kids lined up to enter the grotto.

It is my opinion that the band The Feeling sound like an all male version of Voice of the Beehive.

From M&S With Love - Marks and Spencer

I want this record!

The Ashes have started and as we don't have prescription tv we don't get to see it. Instead we have to listen to snippets on the radio and read about our boys in the paper. I quite like it. It's a bit like the old days when world events like battles, earthquakes and the like took days to reach the public. Australia suddenly seems so very far away.

A weird thing happened today. I was driving to work and a ten year old school girl (I guessed) looked the spitting image of a girl I used to go to school with. It was a bit spooky but then I thought that perhaps it could be that girl's daughter, which could happen and she would have passed on her genes and all that. Anyway, I quite liked the idea. That was until I saw following being her ANOTHER girl who looked like another old classmate! It was bizarre. They were clearly friends too. I didn't like it. Were they the children of my old friends or are there limited permiatations of childrens faces? Or, did I slip through a wormhole into the past? Makes you think.

It pains me to say it but the Ladyfriend and I are really rather hooked on this "I'm a celebrity get me out of here" thing. We started watching it for Minnelli. You should have seen us poised at the telephone to make David suffer. Trouble is, now we love him and we love the programme. I feel I've let Liza with a Z down but let's face it, she let herself down on Parkinson - did anyone else see her do the sign language song?

A weekend of fresh air, oranges and a wee small baby. Yesterday we went off to Saville Gardens in Windsor for a autumnal forage. I took photos whilst the ladyfriend filled her trug with all manner of nuts, berries and fallen leaves : you can see the pictures by clicking here. In the evening we set off into the darkness and drove down to Swindon to visit Oliver the Great (pictured) who is gorjuice. Today has been spent catching up with my Christmas preperations, I have got a couple of oranges sliced and drying in the oven as I type in my wi-fi kitchen - thanks be praised to the neighbours. I read about a new way of reducing the juice and cutting down on oven time but I decided to ignore it, put my chops to it and sucked the slices instead.

Cubby Broccoli must be rolling around in his grave. I refer ofcourse to the new James Bond film. Why oh why is it not being released next year? Why could they not wait a couple of months and bring it out in 2007? Two double O seven? Madness, a marketing dream and they miss it. I daresay they will bring out the whole collection on DVD or somesuch thing next year but aint it a shame that they don't bring the film out then instead? I am quietly shaken....and stirred.

Suddenly the world seems a safer place today. God bless America.

They've opened one of those Primark stores in Eastbourne. It's a huge air hanger of a shop stuffed to the brim with cheap imported throw away fashion. Bargain basement bras etc. The Ladyfriend and I went and had a look on Monday. I didn't like it. There was something about it that made me think of cheap chicken. It was like a huge battery farm where poultry sold for less than the price of a couple of Blackjacks are bred. The rails were packed with the misery of cheap labour and groaned with the sound of the cries of the British manufacturing industry. We'll be sorry. Demand free range clothes, look for the Kite mark!

I've been under the weather. Full of infection, chesty and horse. At my lowest point I spent broken nights sleeping on the sofa flicking through an underworld of the strangest television programmes I've ever seen. I took myself off to the Doctor who was less than sympathetic, my symptoms mirrored hers and she was clearly of the school that if she could be at work so could I. She said "I'd offer you a Locket but I've only got one left" Still she was right, ten days since my darkest hour the infection seems to have gone. I'm left with the occasional throaty rattle which I can cope with.

That will teach me for 'going public transport'. My trip to London at the weekend has resulted in strep throat. I'm WELL mood indigo. I blame Red Ken, he should get out with a bucket of bleach. I'm taking the car next time.