The old cart has hit a few lumps on the bumpy road of life this week. The ladyfriend's job is in question and she's a little perturbed. I have told her to hang out for a job she likes and that this is the ideal opportunity to retrain in opthamology but I don't think she's keen. She's my little Lech Walesa at the moment and I'm having to agree with her every demand. I thinks she's quite suited to a trade union role. I put a little bit of extra mayonnaise in her salad this morning to keep her sweet. She might be flying me off to Thailand with her redundancy so I'm Stepford Lola from now on in!

Had a very nice weekend. On Friday the ladyfriend and I had brunch at Favoloso's which, if anyone knows Eastbourne, is an excellent cafe near the theatre. It was more interesting as it first sounds because at the Devonshhire there was a big magician's exhibition/get together and as a consequence Favoloso's was packed with people of magic and mystery. I was rather impressed. Nicely turned out gentlemen sprinkled pepper like fairy dust on their eggs and brassy women - who I took to be their assistants - chuckled over their cappucinos.

We did a little light shopping,popped ourselves on the 'hop on, hop off' tourist bus, rambled around junk shops then ate in an Italian eaterie in the evening. I can't speak highly enough of the Spaghetti Factory. It has a very simple yet contemporary menu and a fine cellar indeed.....I can't remember the walk home.

Saturday was a bit of a washout so we sat and watched episodes of Kath and Kim which were blinding. Yesterday we went along to the Birling Gap in the late afternoon and I was cock-a-hoop to see the tide was out. I took some pictures which the more artistic amongst you may appreciate.

I'm feeling rather lack lustre today. A little bit like a beer mat at a darts tournament in a suburb of Manchester. I dare say that the bottle of red wine that the ladyfriend and I consumed last night has had some influence on my mood. We can't all be a ray of sunshine every day - not that Moira Stewart would have you believe that. She always manages to sparkle before dawn.

I am trying to pull myself out of my torpor by listening to some uplifting music but it is having little or no success in fact I think it's doing the reverse.

I think I shall just have to call today off, rain has stopped play, the fete has been cancelled, the show has been postponed due to the leading lady contracting Trypanosomiasis.

It's time to celebrate indeed as today is the official start of Autumn. For today only the day will be the same length as night (well nearly). Pack away your figure hugging, limb revealing t-shirts and dig out the chunky home-knits and kick about in the leaves - fallen, like Tommies at the Somme. To celebrate, the ladyfriend and I are going to feast on Oriental food as the Sun crosses the celestial equator. Hoorah for that. Summer and her wanton ways are now gone. I've never been a fan, I have enjoyed the odd evening meal in the garden, splashed in the surf in a playful (and not unattractive manner) but it is nothing to the pleasure I have felt from a roaring fire, a bottle of red wine and my crumpets well and truly toasted!

On the way to work this morning I saw the girl who looks like Elle McPherson. She really does look like her. But she has such a frown on her face all of the time. I think she must be late for her bus. I also think she is angry because if it wasn't for Elle she might have been a famous model earning lots of money instead of rushing along the road to get to work. The ladyfriend said that she might not want to be a model. Perhaps she is a reluctant looky likey who gets fed up with people asking if she is Elle McPherson. Infact, perhaps the wind changed direction the last time she scowled at someone asking if she was Elle and it has got stuck like that. Permanently angry at Elle - now if that isn't a good title for a film I don't know what is.

I have nature's bounty on my desk today. I have an overflowing basket of peaches, plums, nectarines, apples, figs and kiwis. It is cheering to the soul to see such fresh, ripe fruit . Sadly, it's a bit of a concern to think of their journey from tree to plate and the continents they must have crossed and the unfortunate pesticide residues still clinging to them. Still, life can not go on without the odd bit of third world exploitation.

I must withdraw my support for fox hunting. It has scuffed up a bit of a hoo-haah with my wonderful mother who has threatened to write me out ot the will. It got a bit nasty and she made some dreadful comments, which I'm sure she now regrets, during lunch today. So I must make it clear that I in no way support hunting with hounds and I'm still down for the silver tea set.

Talking of animal lovers. I saw Rolf Harris yesterday. I let him out of a garden centre car park and he gave me a cheery wave. The ladyfriend's mother was with me and she was reduced to girly giggles such is the man's attraction to the elderly.

The October addition of Country Living magazine arrived yesterday and I have to say, it's the nicest front cover they've done this year. Infact it's the nicest magazine so far. The Christmas issue is normally the most wonderful so they will have to go some to beat this month's. It's autumn in printed form. Leaves, interiors and accessories.......it even has an article on cobnuts.

It has inspired me to take a walk in the woods this weekend. I shall take the box browny and try and capture the gradual turning of the season. I often think of Autumn as being very much like a burning log in a open fire. Heavy and smouldering with fruit, berries and russet leaves and, such is its weight, the woodland like the log gently collapses into the ashes of the year with a sigh of surrender and a puff of smoke.

I'm having a wonderful week of new experience. I have a new computer at work - unfortunately a PC - and I am having fun with the Windows Media Player. I have been listening to a radio station from Bondi Beach which is excellent fun. It's quite a quirky feeling to think that something on the other side of the world is dribbling into my ears with little or no distortion. Amazing. I've got some trippy trance going on at the moment, fun indeed.

I'm very cross at the proposed hunting with hounds ban. I am, as you know, a traditionalist and would like to be with them demonstrating outside Parliament if I could. I don't agree with the way people hunt foxes (blocking up holes, etc) but I don't agree with changing something so inherently of the country and of the land. You start messing with the balance of nature and all hell will break loose. The countryside and the pensioners are two groups this Government have picked on relentlessly, they are also two groups with massive voting power. All these Johnny Foreigners they lavish money on won't be able to understand a democratic voting process - there will be spoilt papers all over the place. Bloody townies with their metropolitan ways, just wait until their small town gardens are over-run with foxes stealing babies from prams and peeing on their lollo rosso.

I'm so busy at work at the moment that I have been in a constant state of mild panic. It's not good for me so I have decided to stop and take a few deep breaths. I should just get myself a new job, trouble is, I have worked here for nearly six years and I fear I may have become institutionalised. I will need counselling and a social worker if I ever manage to go back to the real world.

It's a lovely blustery day. I am trying to convince the ladyfriend to come kite flying at lunchtime but she is having none of it. I think a spot of fun is just what I need to energise my flagging enthusiasm for the afternoon. Trouble is, by the time I've got it up it would have to come down as I only have 30 minutes for lunch.

Last night I was shocked into shame to discover that I use on average 7 sheets of toilet paper. I shall have to curb my excesses!

Had a flop out of a weekend. The ladyfriend was bereft of energy and so we decided to call a halt to our labours. Instead of decorating we did what all the other downshifting yuppies do and flopped out on Holywell Beach. We took the newspaper and a kite and warmed our sickly bodies on the sea shore. Click here to see the pictures. It was an absolute tonic and there was a definite improvement in the ladyfriend's complexion. I had an absolute whale of a time paddling in the retreating surf. The sea temperatures are at their highest at this time of year so I was cautious not to go too far in just incase a great white shark had confused Beachy Head for Bermuda.

Hip, hip, hooray, I have waited for this day all week. Atlast it is Thursday and in five hours the ladyfriend and I will be hitting the M25 in our motor and heading for East Sussex. I think I should drive tonight. The ladyfriend is feeling rather dicky and, in my view, should lay down in a darkened room with some essentials oils and an Enya cd. I reckon she's trying to get out of the painting and decorating this weekend, no staying power that one. I thrive on the scent of turps.

I am feeling rather sprightly, I think it is because I have not had a drink all week, I've kept a dry house and I'm rather energised. It's not a habit I intend to keep.

I need not keep quiet any longer. This morning I managed to buy Morrissey tickets on the internet. They sold out in ten minutes. I am indeed a lucky girl. Thankfully it was not a repeat of the Meltdown fiasco went I was left wanting. My horse has indeed come in this morning! I am hoop-a-cock! Also, if it turns out that I can not go for one reason or another, I can sell the tickets for a song on ebay.

I have not been sleeping well this week, to be honest, I am running on the sludge left in my tank. I have had the occasional flash of light on my peripheral vision which bodes ill. I don't think it's a fight club situation just yet....I'll keep you posted.

The more you ignore me the closer I get

I'm keeping schtumm

I have developed a bit of a headache. Today we are having photoshop 8 training at work and you know how it is with these courses, you have to keep your concentration incase you miss a bit so after three hours the intensity has got to me. I have learned some smashing little tips though, so it's not all bad.

You should have seen me yesterday, I was quite the housewife, I have been batch cooking and freezing stews for the long hard winter ahead. The ladyfriend was painting the front door whilst I was flitting about the kitchen like the domestic goddess I have evolved into. Unfortunately the paint which we bought thinking it was a British Racing Green is rather brighter and more British Rail. The front of the house now looks more like the ticket office on a railway platform in the 1960's. I am sure we will get used to it - and the train spotters it will no doubt attract.

On the way to work I watched a woman in a car sneeze. Fortunately for her she was stuck in traffic and therefore posed no threat to fellow motorists or, for that matter, the clumsy pedestrian. It was quite a nice thing to watch as the sun streamed across her face turning it almost golden. She closed her eyes and her mouth opened, her nose raised and then "gwumpph". It made my day.

This weekend is full of appointments. We have a new washing machine being delivered, a boiler being installed, doors to paint, lawns to be mown, damp dusting to be done and the eubank needs to be pushed around. Quite exhausting. I dare say we will achieve a large percentage of the chores - weather permitting.

My website is undergoing a little surgery at the moment, she was looking rather saggy so I'm doing a bit of lipo here and there. She'll look lovely in the end.....think Cher.

I know the Olympics are over now but I forgot to mention something that stuck out in my mind - the athletes and all the baubles and glitzy things hanging around their necks. When I was at school we weren't allowed to do games with a scrap of jewellery on so I can't understand why these ambassadors of their sport were allowed it. Surely it sends out the wrong signals. With the return to school next week (atlast) the children will be more than a handful for PE teachers up and down the country. I can just see the high jinks that will occur when some little bugger wants to do a roley poley with a silver stud through their belly - and that's just the boys. No, I don't think it should be allowed. We are too free and easy these days and have let standards slip in the world of athletics. You used to be able to watch the fosby floppers in their understated garb and marvel at their technique - not be deafened by the rattle of their necklaces!